I have to leave

I'm talking about everything that i have in mind so obviously there is nothing logical in this blog so it can look like it's a big mess but anyways my feelings are more important and i feel better when i talk about it.

I'll leave in more or less 3 months (i don't say the exact date cause i don't want my friends in France to know, it will be a big surprise). 3 months after more than a year and 3 months i still can't believe it. Time is flying and it's still like i arrived yesterday. Like if i met my friends yesterday at the training school, like if my first day in my host family was yesterday and now when we are talking about it with my host mum it feels so sad we don't want that to end. But it's weird i feel ready to leave and i want to share that experience with my family. But at the same time i know that the day of the departure i won't be ready at all. Be prepared, your feelings here are multiplied and if you feel confident easily once here it will be different the whole year!! Your feelings can change in a second and the worst feeling is the one you have to deal with when you will leave. I fyou need anything i'll be here for anybody. The only thing is to count on people you've met here, they are the only one that can understand you, even if your family supports you it's never gonna be the same. You life has changed, your mentality, the way you think and you see the life that's what is hard when you finish your year.

I'm ready to leave now but I don't know what i'm gonna find back in France. I'll have my life, my best friends and family that i miss so much but i will always be different. When you are far from the family so long the good thing is that you can control your feelings even more, that's how we grow up.

Confusing? Well i understand myself and if u have any question u can leave a comment or write me at : an.caruso@laposte.net

Good luck futur au pairs.

When I see this picture of NYC it's breaking my heart I don't wanna leave for the magic of the country!!! But I have to focus and get back to reality.. Ok but not today (ah ah only Valeria can understand) <3

Saying goodbye

What's really difficult in here? Saying goodbye to friends. Since i arrived i think i went at least 6 or 7 times at the airports and said goodbye 10 times. I don't have a lot of real friends even though i have lots of persons with who i liked to hang out but at almost the end of my adventure I have to say that i can count my real friends on my fingers (it's a french expression I don't even know if I can say it in English but whatever.

I'm really sensitive even if I learned how to control myself here so saying goodbye is horrible for me. I know that the persons with who I went to the airport or the farewell party are the best friends I could ever meet here. I realized afterwards that they were my real friends and the best friendship I could have here.

For all au pairs, get ready to say goodbye even if you haven't leave your country yet. Cause all your feeling are multiplied and you life is really fast here. You're all alone and you get close from people easily (but don't forget to choose your friends really well not to be surprised by people that are not talking to you anymore when they left or they decided they don't want to be your friend). It's really hard cause we need somebody that we can count on but mostly the au pair adventure is amazing and your new friends will stay your friends if you do everything for it.

To all my friends that left or will leave pretty soon I love you so much. You're not a lot but at least I know that I can count on you forever and I'll see you pretty soon even if you are in Mexico, China, Philippines, Korea...

To Audrey, Sheila, Lucas, Romain, Alex, Valeria, Karla, Ina, Chris and Aurélie!!! I love youuuu

New York, i love you!!

No it's not the movie! Just what i feel about New York and the US. I love it. I love being here, discovering this culture even though it's not an old and extraordinary culture but the US grew up so fast that's what it makes the country so fabulous and unique. Here you feel, and I feel, that everything is possible. This country really makes me feel myself and i had accomplished everything i wanted. I'm somebody else, somebody new and I love it.

Why NYC? I'm in love with this city as i was in love with my first love in high school. We were together for two years and still now, 8 years after the beginning of our story and 6 years after the end, i haven't forgot him, i just learned to live without him as i will have to learn to live without this passion for NYC and the US. Well but maybe there is something to do!!! Just move there. That would be my dream even if i think that i couldn't live in this "fake" country with "fake" people (yes people are really fake here, they just live for how they look) i cannot imagine myself far from here. It's an horrible sensation but i have to start to deal with it...but not now i still have 3 months and a half to deal with that. I'm gonna enjoy in the mean time and loving it as i'm loving it right now.

I don't know if you guys are gonna read that or even understand but i needed to tell how much i felt good here, in the US, in Boston and especially in NYC. I'm thinking about doing something in my life to be able to go back in New York. And everything i want i have it...just need to believe in yourself and your dreams can come true. No i'm not a little girl anymore, my experience taught me that realize all your dreams is possible.

Going home?

One of my Pix (Manhattan from the sky)

Bad news today, i have to go home... Not right now but in about 3 months and a half. Cultural care (my au pair agency) just emailed me to tell me that i have to book pretty soon (the next 20 days) my flight back to France. That's such a bad news for me. I'm crying already. I just went to hug my kids cause i'll have to leave them soon. I'm not ready. Well actually i don't really know cause i'm crying but it doesn't hurt that much (not yet maybe), i'm confused right now and i don't know what to think about it. Happy, sad, confuse, that's my feelings. I don't feel like choosing right now seriously it's too early, it's like i arrived yesterday and now i have to go back.

To each new au pair. Enjoy yourself, live, spend your money, travel, party everything possible. Take everything you can take and just LIVE YOUR DREAMS, FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, LISTEN TO YOUR HEART and be strong especially to face the moment when somebody is gonna tell you that you have to go back home. For some of you it may seems to far to think about it. Trust me it comes faster than you think.

Just to share a little bit my fellings, now i'm gonna start to realize that and take advantage of being in the US a little bit more.

Enjoy!!!

What do you want me to talk about?

Everything is in the title, i want to share my experience with you but i need to know what do you want to know about the au pair life??

I'll create articles for everything. Short and quick not to spend hours of reading.

Enjoy!!!

To my friends around the world

Ah ah all my friends from America were waiting for it so here it comes. I finally have the courage to write in English, so lazy. I'll give some news over here to all my friends that i met in the USA and are not able yet to read my french blog.

To all of you guys i just want you to know how much i love you and i'm so glad i met you. Being an au pair in the US is a hard experience and we are all alone when we arrive here, we need to have a good circle of friends and trust them cause they will be our family for a year, for me a year and a half since i extended my stay. (I still don't know why cause this job is exhausting). Or maybe i know it's beacause of all the friends i've met here, this new family that can understand what i live here.

Don't you think it's right that between au pairs we are the only one to understand what we live. Nobody understand that we can be homesick, that we get along faster with people since we have nobody, that the feelings are multiplied per 10 000%. That's why i would be sad to lose the contacts with all of you guys, my real friends from this experience. I don't have a lot that i consider as my family but i'm glad i met a lot of people here and even if we haven't seen each other really often all of u guys stay in my heart.

To: Chris, Audrey, Sheila, Valeria, Lucas, Romain, Karla, Sara, Alex the persons that i love the most and all others au pairs i met. I'll talk to you soon.

Oh and last thing, there is a mistake at the beginning of my video i wrote that i arrived june 7th, 2011 while it was 2010.

Enjoy!!!

How is my life?

Well from the begining i live a wonderful, fantastic, amazing, crazy, exhausting, f****** experience. It's just magic to be here in the USA while my grand father was dreaming about it then my father and my uncles and my cousins. I'm proud of what i'm doing here and of the strengh i gain here. That the best thing, your personnality is changing, you get stronger and stronger everyday and you're able to face all the situation even the worst. I lost some members of my family this year, i was homesick two times, after the 7th month as au pair and then the 11th month. But when i realized i was supposed to leave last june (but i decided few months earlier to stay 6 more months) i haven't been homesick ever since. The US experience is the best you can do however you do it. I decided to be an au pair. It's not easy but at least it's the cheapest way to see the country and i don't regret at all.